All that baby talk
Here’s an unsual post for my blog, but I shared this on FB and all my girl friends got involved in discussing it. Since most of my visitors are girls I though this might make interesting read. Love to know what you think.
Conversation with the “crazy” gynecologist (I am yet to meet a normal one)
ME: So doctor it’s been 3 years and I wanted to drop in for a check up and make sure everything is fine and dandy. I hope to have a baby one day, not yet but one day and I just wanted to be sure all is fine.
DOCTOR: I need to have a serious chat with you Dena.
ME: Really? (thinking: we just met).
DOCTOR: Yes, let me ask you some questions first: 1. do you smoke? 2. have you ever been pregnant? 3. is anyone is your family sick? 4. have you had a pep smear test recently? 5. are you in a relationship?
ME: 1. Never, 2. definitely not, 3. nope, 4. yes every year like all good girls should. 5. Yes for about 3 years.
DOCTOR: I’m concerned about women today. They focus too much on work. It’s all about their careers.
ME: really doctor? Well I guess I’ve noticed that most of my friends don’t even think about babies and they are in their late 20′s and early 30′s.
DOCTOR: they are messing with nature Dena. What would your grand mother say?
ME: Mine are not alive.
DOCTOR: She would tell you stop messing with nature. We must re-produce or else our species will die out.
ME: really doctor? It’s that bad?
DOCTOR: you said earlier that you’ve been together for 3 years and still no babies? It’s normal, the guy keeps saying later and later and suddenly you realize it’s too late. He starts seeing other women (note he said WOMEN not woman) and you might meet other men and suddenly one of you moves out.
ME: Really doctor? I mean he always says he would be delighted if we had one. I think I’m more nervous of the though of having babies than him. It’s so grown up, too grown up. I’m so not ready yet.
DOCTOR: Yes many women are in your situation, with the wrong man who is refusing them babies…. Oh you say he likes to have babies?
ME: yes I think he quite like one when the time is right.
DOCTOR: the time is never right Dena. it gets more and more wrong each day. Who are you sacrificing yourself for? this job, this career. Young women are giving up the most important thing for their jobs. You give and give and suddenly your boss tells you to pack your stuff and replaces you with a graduate.
ME: yes I suppose, though I work for the Beebs and it doesn’t work that way as far as I know.
DOCTOR: Yes women are at their fertility peak at the age of 19 to 24 and after that its pure chance.
ME: really? never heard that one before.
DOCTOR: Think of the child Dena. Is it fair to give this child old parents?
ME: my mum was close to 40 when she had me and we get on better than most mother and daughters.
DOCTOR: But I’m sure she didn’t have the energy to teach you how to swim.
ME: Actually she taught me how to swim. I was best in class.
DOCTOR: If you wait much longer your partner will be too old to play football with his child, is that what you want?
ME: But doc, if we waited a couple of years he only be in his early 30′s. Surely he could still shoot a ball, though he doesn’t do it now so I doubt he would be any good at it then.
DOCTOR: you know you might leave him tomorrow and the next day meet the love of your life and have a baby right then and there. You might feel he is the one right now but tomorrow it might all change. As I said he meets other women daily and you other men.
ME: I like to think we only have eyes for each other.
DOCTOR: yes that’s what everyone thinks but looks around you. Every one is getting divorced.
ME: But I’m not even sure I want babies. They scare me doc. I got so much I want to do still, I want to be ready and be able to give my baby what he or she needs.
DOCTOR: I told you Dena there’s no right time, you either have them or you join the rest of women in my waiting room who have had the right to babies taken away from them by their biological clock.
ME: so how long do I have?
DOCTOR: until end of the day.
ME: WHAT??? come on I have friends in their mid and late 30′s having babies. I see women in their 40′s have babies. I got plenty of years ahead.
DOCTOR: those are just stories Dena. they don’t really happen. It’s very rare.
ME: Doc my mother is midwife and she has seen plenty of women have babies later on. I never heard anything like this before. If it’s true how come no one tells us about this.
DOCTOR: oh we do, but do you listen? no. Why? because women of today are power hungry, it’s ALL about their careers. They work and work and they lose their sex drive and it gets too late.
ME: this chat has put me right off the topic babies. I need to seriously think about all this.
DOCTOR: have one now, think later.
ME: hmmm.
DOCTOR: your friends who have babies, do you think they regret them? NO. They will tell you it was the best decision they ever made.
ME: well of course they would. What else would they say? oh I regret having my baby, can I return it please? I wish I had waited a couple of years?
DOCTOR: have a baby now Dena! Before the spark is gone between you and your partner, if you deny him babies he will leave you for another woman.
ME: WHAT? Excuse me Doc, can I have your card just so I can keep it in my purse? (thinking I need to report this guy)
DOCTOR: Let’s get you examined
(after examination)
DOCTOR: Everything looks great, now go home and make babies.
Me: —-> running for the exit.
———————————————
Holding beautiful Eyja, my friends little girl.
This is based on a real conversation I recently had with a gynecologist. One who was recommended to me as one of the best in our city. How do you feel about the term biological clock? Stressful huh? I hate how all the pressure is put on us women. I say screw that biological clock. I’m aware of it but I’m not going to live my life by it. One can’t just have kids for the sake of having them. If it’s meant to be it will be and If not then there’s so many amazing children out there who need a home if we can provide them one.
Friday 9th September 2011 | Category: General | Tags: babies, biological clock, gynocologist, women
erm , wtf? i mean who his he to tell you when to have kids , am sorry in this world you should have kids , when u are good and ready, not push them out like a puppy farm jsut for the sake of it, as long as it is healthy who cares, too many people therse days have kids and arent ready, sometimes the situation doesnt end well or the kids get put in care etc ,
it takes 2 to make a baby, tho with modern technology it can just take one either way, if my better half suddenly decided her clock was ticking away and wanted one , just for that reason , then i would at least try to get her to think first and at least make sure it as what she actually wanted no what society and a loopy doc said :)
i know the male part isnt that hard but i know if i ever have mini mes i would want it becasue it was the right time no the time on a clock
I like your attitude Johan. Thanks for sharing. x
I cannot believe the level of crazy in his argument. “Make babies, think later” has got to be the worst advice that you could possibly give someone. Perhaps he had a personal bad experience?
PS–A taxi driver once told me that, as I wasn’t married by twenty five, I would be a spinster!
Taxi driver? I bet he was a man too.
Human race will never die out, not in the next 100 generations anyway, and by then we will be too old to worry about it. :)
I seriously think you need to find a sane gynie, this guy is nuts. One should have a baby when you are good and ready for it, biological clock my backside, no use having a kid and hating it.
Hope your weekend will be great Dena.
Colin.
Colin I been to a few and they are all the same. The are trained to push women to have babies.
OMG, I would have said that guy was a psychoanalyst, not a gynie! Is he mad or what? It’s alright that he tries to give you info about the maternity clock and all that, but giving you advices? telling you that your bf is gonna run out with other women???
I have always thought that maternity is something that must be understood as a profit for children, and not for the parents. Most women want to be mother some day, but of course there are some biological conditions that must be respected (I would never try to make a baby with 60 years old, even if that was biologically possible, cause a 10 years old child needs a healthy mom, and a 70 years old woman will usually be health-diminished to raise a 10 years old child). However, I think that nowadays 20-50 years is ok for having children, I may not feel as agile as now when I’m 40 but I will be a mature woman and perfectly able to raise children. The moment will never be perfect, but for sure there will always be a better moment, so there’s no problem about the age between that range, you only have to wait for that moment to come, and personally that’s what I’m going to do.
And that gynie… Well he works on that, right? He wants women to have babies, but he was clearly interfering….
xx
pd: you are perfect and young right now, while you stay like this, that will be for many many years, you still have the power to decide when you want to have babies
Loved reading your thoughts on this. I’m not stressed or worried. We will have a baby when we are ready but I was so shocked that a doctor can put so much pressure on a young woman without even asking her what she wants or what kind of relationship she is in. He was basically saying if women don’t give their partners babies within first 6 months they will move on. Absolute madness. I am sure if it was a female doctor it would be a totally different story.
Did I write that much??… sorry, I can’t hold back…
btw, Love the Mulberry dress of the last post, it’s so you
I’m trying to get into twitter a bit more (very easy given that I rarely use it)
“your partner will be too old to play football with his child” :) :) :)
Isn’t he the sweetest dumbass ever… :)
LOL :) made me laugh a lot. My bf isn’t even in his 30 yet and the doctor is worrying he might not be able to play football. Actually he is shit in football but he is an awsome swimmer.
No ways, wtf??
I can relate to the biological clock thing, I am almost 30 in 2 months…but I agree with you completely babe!
Screw the biological clock :D
xxx
Are you serious? That’s so scary! 19 to 24 is the prime age for babies? No wayy! I wonder if the gynae’s boss told them all to promote baby-making because population is falling in Sweden or something… but seriously, I think it happens when the time is right, and when it’s time, you feel the longing and the maternal urge within you. And if it’s too late, or if it’s not happening biologically, then you can always adopt!
This was so funny to read! I feel sorry for you that you had to endure that! Tbh, it sounds like he has some personal issues that he’s trying to pass along to his patients. You should never be pushed/rushed into having a child!
Carmen Ri.
@Dena
My boyfriend also sucks at football, and he’s also a great swimmer… Perhaps we are dating the same guy :) :) :)
Omg really? This is so weird. I do believe we should not be too old when having babies but if you’re thinking now is not the time you shouldn’t feel forced to have one. I don’t want to have babies in my twenties, I still want to get degrees, make a career, see the world etc. Plus I feel like I’m a kid myself and don’t see myself raising one any time soon. My mum was 30 when she had me and over 40 when she had my youngest brother. We’re all fine and I know lots of others who were over 30 and 40 and still got healthy kids and still got enough energy to teach them how to swim and stuff. On some points I get where you’re doctor is going and why he’s saying stuff like this but he definitely gets out of line and being weird. But it was nice of you to share! Super cute picture btw. Happy Sunday! xoxo
That’s an absolutely terrible way for a doctor to behave! What business is it of his?! It’s your body and your life. Women in our grandmothers’ time and before fought long and hard for the women of today to have as much freedom as we do, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want us to go back to living in the 50s!
For me it’s simple – ideally every couple should have the right to decide when *they* are ready to have a baby, that way you can be sure that each child comes into the world loved and cared for as much as possible.
Just sent you an email, just have read this post first!! Clearly!!!
What a CRAZY conversation! You are fine to wait until a better time. As you said, do you really want to have children when you both are working such crazy hours? Is it wrong for you to want to do something other than have babies right now? Nope. You know what is best for you. Go with that.
Brilliant post Dena,
you’re right. It’s as you’ve read my mind!
xxx
I’m shocked. “Until the end of the day” Are you kidding me?! I can tell you that I would have laughed so hard and said, “Not a chance in hell” and he probably would have kicked me out. I am floored that a doctor would say such things to a patient! It’s your choice, he has no right to pressure you to do that.
I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns and not letting him convince you of something you don’t want. That’s the real problem, society & Hollywood has made pregnancy “trendy” and many girls get pregnant young because they think it’ll be “fun”! When it’s really a huge responsibility and life changing venture! I have nothing against having kids (I want kids myself), what I have a problem with is people forcing ideas on others.
Stay true to yourself! :) You’re a fabulous woman!
xoxox
I totally liked the doctor patient chat and see what you both are saying and it scares me too but I can’t stress myself about it. It comes when it comes……
you’re right. It’s as you’ve read my mind!