Free from our conditioning
I love summer nights, love how it never gets dark. So I sit under the moonlight and read. Last night I was reading about the human conditioning. Must we accept that we are conditioned or can we change? Can be free from all of it? I am Swedish, I was raised in a somewhat cold climate where peoples response can be equally cold at times. I suppose I can be an ice queen too. I am also Iranian and we tend to be hot tempered and snap at people. Here I automatically accept my conditioning which brings about conflict. I accept my conditioning brought about by my society, my family, my name, my tradition, my upbringing, religion and so on…. I have spent all my years here on earth repeating that I’m Swedish, yes a Persian Swede, I’m a woman, I’m a Leo, I am this and I am that. I have been repeating this mantra so much that naturally my brain have become mechanical, it has become narrow. It accepts my conditioning as a fact and that causes separation from others, it causes division and naturally that results in conflict.
Three nights ago a boy got stabbed on Portobello road, a few meters away from my front door. Police told me both boys are from the council area further down, probably part of gangs. These boys, the victim and the boy who stabbed him are both affected heavily by their conditioning. Their own mantra which they have repeated to themselves, which the society is repeating for them. Can they be free from it? Can we be free from our conditioning? How long can we live in this way? Psychologists and philosophers tell us to accept the human conditioning – give time so it becomes more cultured through knowledge. Knowledge is time, because knowledge means accumulation which means time. And we accept all this because it is very convenient and comforting to have time right? I can always change later. I know I MUST change but I can always change LATER. I am unhappy but with time I will be happy. Can we be free from time? Free from image? The image we have of ourselves that prevent us to live without pain and suffering? Can we be free from our conditioning. I personally want to examine my own conditioning deeply, I want to understand whether I can be free from it. I cannot accept living within these walls I have built for myself. I don’t think any of us can but some of us are too frighten to imagine that there could be something else, something different. For me this is the most important thing. More important than my job, more important than the image I am portraying to you or the world, more important then the pleasures I seek daily. My goal here is to be free of my conditioning, free from image. Only then can I have what I long for the most – my own family, my children. Yes I can have them right now and impose on them the very same conditioning but I want to see this change, for myself and for humanity. Don’t you? I am sure you do. Can we change? Can we break free I wonder.