Tag: women

Feminism vs Femininity

Today I’ve been thinking of Feminism vs femininity. Everyone seems to have their own idea of what feminism means now days but for me it has always meant women respecting each other, helping each other grow stronger, grow more confident, women celebrating each others strength. All this while celebrating our femininity, our amazing ability to build and maintain relationships and find beauty in everything around us.

Unfortunately some women really get the wrong end of the stick on this. In the media world I’m sometimes surrounded by women who act as if they are ashamed of being women. They don’t realize being equal does not mean being a man, It means being a woman and celebrating what makes us unique and equally as powerful as men. These women put all their focus on being the best Journalists they can be which is great, but in their tiny world that means only thinking and talking about politics and God forbid one has any other interest because then you are labelled as an air head or less intellectual.

Let me give you an example, I have an amazing friend, amazing in so many ways. She is so gorgeous like taken out of an Audrey Hepburn movie. She is unbelievably talented and has achieved so much for her young age (mid 20′s). She is a published writer, be it poetry to features to more serious journalistic pieces. She is political yet loves fashion. She dreams of being a war reporter (a dream she no doubt will achieve) but still enjoys writing about love. When she gets dressed in the morning she is expressing herself, her mood, her hopes and dreams. To me she is a true inspiration, a young woman who is powerful yet gentle. She gets labelled by certain women in our circle, the exact same ones that consider themselves feminists. They say she dresses to draw attention to herself, they label her young and naive, even immature. All this without really knowing her. Surely this is the opposite of feminism? Shouldn’t we be celebrating woman such as her? Why do we women have to be our own worst enemies? Why must so many of us let jealousy get in the way of our growth, why must we try to throw stones in each others paths hoping the other one stumbles and breaks a leg or two.

I surround myself with real feminists. My friends are proud women, women who are motivated and driven, women who respect other women and value themselves, women who don’t judge or criticise others but keep an open mind. I truly pity those who can’t think outside the box, to be free to be who they want to be, who feel forced to shut the world out and try to live up to an image they are prisoners to. I really feel for women who are so intimidated by other women that they can’t help but to try to harm them. Most of all I pity those who can’t handle other people’s success and happiness.

Monday 21st May 2012 | 6 comments | Category: General | Tags: femininity, feminism, Journalists, women

All that baby talk

Here’s an unsual post for my blog, but I shared this on FB and all my girl friends got involved in discussing it. Since most of my visitors are girls I though this might make interesting read. Love to know what you think.

Conversation with the “crazy” gynecologist (I am yet to meet a normal one)

ME: So doctor it’s been 3 years and I wanted to drop in for a check up and make sure everything is fine and dandy.  I hope to have a baby one day, not yet but one day and I just wanted to be sure all is fine.

DOCTOR: I need to have a serious chat with you Dena.

ME: Really? (thinking: we just met).

DOCTOR: Yes, let me ask you some questions first: 1. do you smoke? 2. have you ever been pregnant? 3. is anyone is your family sick? 4. have you had a pep smear test recently? 5. are you in a relationship?

ME: 1. Never, 2. definitely not, 3. nope, 4. yes every year like all good girls should. 5. Yes for about 3 years.

DOCTOR: I’m concerned about women today. They focus too much on work. It’s all about their careers.

ME: really doctor? Well I guess I’ve noticed that most of my friends don’t even think about babies and they are in their late 20′s and early 30′s.

DOCTOR: they are messing with nature Dena. What would your grand mother say?

ME: Mine are not alive.

DOCTOR: She would tell you stop messing with nature. We must re-produce or else our species will die out.

ME: really doctor? It’s that bad?

DOCTOR: you said earlier that you’ve been together for 3 years and still no babies? It’s normal, the guy keeps saying later and later and suddenly you realize it’s too late. He starts seeing other women (note he said WOMEN not woman) and you might meet other men and suddenly one of you moves out.

ME: Really doctor? I mean he always says he would be delighted if we had one. I think I’m more nervous of the though of having babies than him. It’s so grown up, too grown up. I’m so not ready yet.

DOCTOR: Yes many women are in your situation, with the wrong man who is refusing them babies…. Oh you say he likes to have babies?

ME: yes I think he quite like one when the time is right.

DOCTOR: the time is never right Dena. it gets more and more wrong each day. Who are you sacrificing yourself for? this job, this career. Young women are giving up the most important thing for their jobs. You give and give and suddenly your boss tells you to pack your stuff and replaces you with a graduate.

ME: yes I suppose, though I work for the Beebs and it doesn’t work that way as far as I know.

DOCTOR: Yes women are at their fertility peak at the age of 19 to 24 and after that its pure chance.

ME: really? never heard that one before.

DOCTOR: Think of the child Dena. Is it fair to give this child old parents?

ME: my mum was close to 40 when she had me and we get on better than most mother and daughters.

DOCTOR: But I’m sure she didn’t have the energy to teach you how to swim.

ME: Actually she taught me how to swim. I was best in class.

DOCTOR: If you wait much longer your partner will be too old to play football with his child, is that what you want?

ME: But doc, if we waited a couple of years he only be in his early 30′s. Surely he could still shoot a ball, though he doesn’t do it now so I doubt he would be any good at it then.

DOCTOR: you know you might leave him tomorrow and the next day meet the love of your life and have a baby right then and there. You might feel he is the one right now but tomorrow it might all change. As I said he meets other women daily and you other men.

ME:  I like to think we only have eyes for each other.

DOCTOR: yes that’s what everyone thinks but looks around you. Every one is getting divorced.

ME: But I’m not even sure I want babies. They scare me doc. I got so much I want to do still, I want to be ready and be able to give my baby what he or she needs.

DOCTOR: I told you Dena there’s no right time, you either have them or you join the rest of women in my waiting room who have had the right to babies taken away from them by their biological clock.

ME: so how long do I have?

DOCTOR: until end of the day.

ME: WHAT??? come on I have friends in their mid and late 30′s having babies. I see women in their 40′s have babies. I got plenty of years ahead.

DOCTOR: those are just stories Dena. they don’t really happen. It’s very rare.

ME: Doc my mother is midwife and she has seen plenty of women have babies later on. I never heard anything like this before. If it’s true how come no one tells us about this.

DOCTOR: oh we do, but do you listen? no. Why? because women of today are power hungry, it’s ALL about their careers. They work and work and they lose their sex drive and it gets too late.

ME: this chat has put me right off the topic babies. I need to seriously think about all this.

DOCTOR: have one now, think later.

ME: hmmm.

DOCTOR: your friends who have babies, do you think they regret them? NO. They will tell you it was the best decision they ever made.

ME: well of course they would. What else would they say? oh I regret having my baby, can I return it please? I wish I had waited a couple of years?

DOCTOR: have a baby now Dena! Before the spark is gone between you and your partner, if you deny him babies he will leave you for another woman.

ME: WHAT?  Excuse me Doc, can I have your card just so I can keep it in my purse? (thinking I need to report this guy)

DOCTOR: Let’s get you examined

(after examination)

DOCTOR: Everything looks great, now go home and make babies.

Me: —-> running for the exit.

———————————————

This is based on a real conversation I recently had with a gynecologist. One who was recommended to me as one of the best in our city. How do you feel about the term biological clock? Stressful huh? I hate how all the pressure is put on us women. I say screw that biological clock. I’m aware of it but I’m not going to live my life by it. One can’t just have kids for the sake of having them. If it’s meant to be it will be and If not then there’s so many amazing children out there who need a home if we can provide them one.

Friday 9th September 2011 | 22 comments | Category: General | Tags: babies, biological clock, gynocologist, women